


Nice But Unexpected

by Iliketalkingtoyou



Series: Nice But Unexpected [1]
Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-10
Updated: 2017-12-10
Packaged: 2019-02-13 01:44:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12972984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Iliketalkingtoyou/pseuds/Iliketalkingtoyou
Summary: When Finn tells Rae that Archie isn’t meeting her for their date he stays instead of leaving.





	1. The Caff

Finn was walking back from the record store when he saw him. “Archie!” He shouted over, grinning at his best mate. “Thought you were workin’ or summat, tonigh’?” Finn said, when he caught up to the nervous looking boy. He had been on the phone to Archie not two hours ago to ask if he was going to the cinema with the rest of gang. Archie’d said that he had to work, but clearly that was bullshit.

“Hey, Finn. Yeah… changed my shift to tomorrow morning.” Archie said, he was clearly agitated about something. He looked over his shoulder and then forward, then over his shoulder again. He wasn’t meeting Finn’s eyes.

“Y’alrigh’?” Finn asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

Archie looked back at him, facing him for the first time. “Yeah, yeah. Fine.” He gave Finn an exaggerated smile and nod.

“What’s wrong, Arch?” Finn frowned, you didn’t have to be Archie’s best mate of over ten years to realise he was acting like a fucking criminal on the run.

Archie leaned forward to Finn, before sighing slightly. “Right, its just-” Finn watched Archie look all around him again, waiting for him to continue. He took a big breath before carrying on in a much lighter tone. “Actually, I was just about to meet Rae at the caf, but something came up…”

Finn gave Archie a look. He didn’t know that him and Rae were meeting up tonight. Not that it was any of his business anyway, he just would’ve like to be told if his best mate had a date.

“You were going out wi’ Rae again?” The words just flew out, honestly. Finn didn’t even know he had said them until he had. And with a lot more venom behind them then he had intended.

Archie shook his head lightly, “Not really. We’re not- It’s not like that-but-I mean it’s not-”

“Spit it out, Arch.”

“I was just meeting her for somethin’ to eat. It’s not a date or anythin’. Could you just go tell her I can’t make it, okay?”

“What? No, fuck off.” Finn snapped and turned away back to his bike. He wasn’t about to get himself mixed up in that business, Rae already hated him enough. And she had plenty of reasons to do so, and this wasn’t going to be added to it.

“Finn c’mon, its nothin’. We’re just mates, she won’t even care!” Archie begged. Finn scoffed but he heard the desperation in Archie’s tone.

“Fine, alrigh’ whatever.” Finn grumbled and watched as Archie’s whole body physically relaxed.

“Thank, mate.” Archie patted him on the shoulder, grinning but Finn just looked away feeling in a grump.

“Whatever.”

His mate patted him again and headed off in the direction of his house. If Archie can’t make it, then why couldn’t he just have told Rae earlier? And why did he have to be heading home right now? What would be so hard about meeting Rae and then telling her in person that he couldn’t stay.

Also, how could it not be a date? He had apparently fingered her eight times – over the jeans but it still counts. They can’t just be friends, surely.

All these questions were spinning around Finn’s head while speeding down towards the caf, and he was avoiding the most obvious: he thought Archie was gay.

That one could be solved quickly though: maybe he was bi or curious or whatever.

As Finn parked his bike, he took a look at his watch. He had told his dad he’d be home for tea so they could talk about his Nan. She wasn’t doing so good, and Finn was anxious to see her tomorrow in the hospital.

He pulled the helmet off as he walked towards what he hoped wouldn’t be too embarrassing. Finn was telling himself that everything would be fine. Archie had clearly said it was not a date. Rae wouldn’t care. She’s fucking resilient, she’ll be fine.

He looked up and saw her through the window but he didn’t want to catch her eye so started playing with his hair as he got closer to the door.

He took a deep breath before facing her fury – fury which only ever seemed to be directed at him.

Walking through the door the first person he saw was a small, bald man, but as he looked up he clocked Chloe and Izzy in the far corner, sitting away from Rae. He hoped Chop wasn’t standing by himself at the cinema looking like a twat.

He turned and headed towards the fiery girl. “Yo!” He said, nodding at her. ‘Yo’ ? Fucking hell, Finn could sound like a right twat sometimes.

She was quick to snarl at him. “What you doin’ ‘ere?”

“Just seen Archie. He ain’t comin’. He said to say…Well, he said to say that really.” Finn was never one to beat around the bush, but he probably should’ve tried to soften the blow. Archie had clearly been talking out of his arse when he said this wasn’t a date, and he felt like punching the bugger.

She looked straight ahead, not facing him. “Right.” She mumbled.

Finn felt the awkwardness, but here’s the thing about Finn: he has foot and mouth disease so when he looked Rae up and down for the umpteenth time that week he realised she didn’t look like herself at all. “Why’re you dressed like Chloe?”

“I’m not dressed like Chloe.” She snapped, again not even looking at him. Fucking hell, this was tense.

He nodded, knowing that her vicious tone was clearly a sign he should leave. Now. “Okay,” he murmured. She looked about ready to cry and he figured that Chloe and Izzy would probably take care of her. “See you later, then.”

He took a small step backward but he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t just leave her like that, sitting there with that face. Fucking hell, Archie was a fucking twat throwing him in the deep end like this. And Finn was going to do him in for it. He’s supposed to be a mate and he has just made Finn tell his date he wasn’t coming. Arsehole.

Finn took one last longing look towards his scooter outside and sighed. He slipped into the seat in front of her, placing the helmet beside him. He couldn’t bring himself to look at her so he picked up a menu and started looking over it, chewing the inside of his cheek.

“What are you doin’?” Her voice was thick and he couldn’t blame her. Finn had never been stood up before – he was ‘The Finn Nelson’ after all – but he was pretty sure that if he was he would want to cry too.

“Picking somethin’ to eat.” He didn’t meet her eyes but he tried to make it sound like the most obvious thing in the world, hoping to distract her.

“Why?” Her voice lacked the usual venom but at least she didn’t sound like she was crying anymore.

Finn just shrugged because fuck knows why he was doing this. Her guess was as good as his. “Oh… is that chips and cheese? Didn’t know they did that here, maybe they changed the menu.” Finn said, trying to lighten the mood. He could tell without even looking at her that it wasn’t working, but he had no understanding of Rae at all. One minute she could be biting his head off about his music choices and the next she would be all giggly about Damon Albarn’s hair, all within the time frame of a sip of a pint.

“Rae what’s goin’ on?” He heard Chloe say from beside him and turned to face the two confused looking girls.

“Archie’s not comin’.” Finn said, flatly, answering for Rae. He didn’t elaborate, it wasn’t their business anyway.

“Yeah…So what’s goin’ on?” Chloe asked again.

Finn shrugged, “I’m just getting somethin’ to eat. So’s Rae. Right?” He looked up hoping that she would just agree with him. This was the first time he dared to look at her since sitting down. And it was amazing. It was the first time she wasn’t giving him a death glare. It was a definitely confused expression but it wasn’t the evils and that was a big improvement.

“Well, we can sit with you, too!” Chloe chimed ready to sit down next to him, but he saw Izzy tugging at Chloe’s jacket.

“Nah, it’s alrigh’. Chop said something about a movie, yeah?” He said, knowing that Izzy would at least get the hint. This was hard enough without these two eavesdropping.

“Yeah!” Izzy piped up, pulling again at her friend’s jacket. “I’m so excited! C’mon Chlo, we’ll be late to meet Chop.”

Finn turned to Chloe and she obviously wasn’t very happy but she walked out arm in arm with Izzy, nonetheless.

Finn watched them leave before turning back to Rae. He gave her a small smile, but couldn’t for the life of him think of what to say.

“What are you doin’?” She asked again, softer this time.

Finn sighed, but couldn’t meet her eyes again. “Archie’s a twat.” He complained, and that seemed like all the explanation he needed to give. She burst out laughing. It was glorious; in amongst all the embarrassment they both were feeling, there she goes fucking laughing.

“Wha’?” Finn said, smiling.

“Archie is a fuckin’ twat.” She agreed, giggling looking at her hands.

He waited for her laughter to fade and that let them fall into silence but this time it didn’t feel so tense.

Out of the corner of his eye he watched a waitress place a coffee in front of Rae. She didn’t get a chance to thank her before the waitress turned to Finn. “Would you like to order?” Finn knew this waitress and suddenly remembered why he preferred the chippy. She batted her eyelids at him, she was way too old for him, and seriously? He could be on a date with Rae for all she knows and she’s shooting him eyes like that?

“Plate o’ chips and a Cola, please?” He muttered. He waited for the waitress to walk away, before looking back over to Rae. “You sure? You’re not hungry or anythin’?”

She shook her head and somehow with only those little sentences, he had asked to be polite, it was awkward again. Fuck sake, Finn.

“Don’t you have somewhere to be or somethin?” She asked. He watched her hands wrap around the coffee mug as she looked up at him through her lashes. She took a glance to his right and he followed her gaze but all he could see was the small, bald man getting up and leaving. Finn doubted she was looking at him so she was probably just trying not to look Finn in the eye.

Finn suddenly remembered that he had told his dad he’d be home for dinner, but this was more important. He couldn’t believe Archie would do this and he had to pick up the pieces. It wasn’t right to just leave a girl like that. Even if said girl was Rae and she did his head in.

“Nah, not really.”

A different waitress placed his Cola in front of him and he took a sip simply because he couldn’t think of anything else to do.

“Why are you sittin’ with me? You don’t have to.” Finn didn‘t know what to make of her tone.

He just shrugged again, “I don’t mind.” Was she trying to get rid of him? He should have thought about this sooner; she doesn’t actually like him, he’s probably the last person she would want to speak to right now.

But she didn’t argue this time, so they sat in silence instead. They stayed like that right up until Finn’s food came. The waitress touched his shoulder as she placed the food in front of him. He fought the urge to roll his eyes… like Rae was doing right now. He suppressed a smile.

He had to think of something to say. Something. Anything. Fucking hell, he was always shit at talking. Rae’s not though, she’s always going off on something. She should be making way more of an effort here.

And as if she heard his own thoughts, she spoke up. “You’re right, you know.”

“Wha’?” Finn said, he never thought he’d hear those words come from her mouth.

She smiled slightly and looked at him, “I am ‘dressed like Chloe’”. She did an awful impersonation of his voice; it was nowhere near that deep, but it still made him laugh.

“You don’t need it, all that stuff.” Finn said, around his smile. He hadn’t meant to say it really, it just slipped out while he was looking at his chips.

He looked back up and she was rolling her eyes. Typical Rae.

“Yeah, I probably do. But, fuck, I hate it.”

He frowned, “Nah, Chloe likes that stuff but it’s not right on you.”

“Why?” She sounded so defensive now. Shit. Finn should just keep his mouth shut.

“It’s just…” He felt like he was digging his whole deeper here. “Like, Chloe likes that stuff, but you’re not Chloe, you’re different.” Foot in fucking mouth. What the hell was he even going on about? He scratched his arm before sighing lightly and tried to gauge her expression. She looked just as confused as he felt. He couldn’t explain it. Rae just didn’t need that make up stuff. It didn’t match her personality, she wasn’t girly, but in a good way. “I dunno, it’s like, you look nice without it. More like yourself.” He mumbled out eventually.

“Oh…” was all she said. He started biting the inside of his cheek and chanced a look at her face through his eyelashes and she was smiling. He felt a sigh of relief leave him and he started in on his chips without the churning feeling he just realised he had been experiencing ever since he sat down.

Right, let’s keep the ball rolling. Move towards more common ground here, Nelson. Music. Music works, and when you agree just argue with her anyway.

“So… “The Second Coming”, pretty shit, right?” Finn smirked up at her and knew he made a good choice. Her face immediately turned to one of rage and he knew he was in safe territory here. They knew how to navigate each other in these circumstances, and the tension instantly diminished as the atmosphere became relaxed.

“Right, firstly, it was not shit in the slightest. Second, what could you expect? The whole record label hated them and it took too many bloody years to make. And let’s face it, there isn’t a band anywhere that can recreate the genius that is the self-titled, even The Stone Roses themselves couldn’t do it. It was too good.”

She had a point really, but honestly he just wanted to keep that smile on her face. If he kept her happy he wouldn’t be facing the death glares.

“Nah, they ruined it. Could’ve been the best band from Manchester, but they fucked up.” He grinned down at his chips as he heard her place her palms on the table and suck in a breath. This felt fine, this was familiar. Playing with her like this had quickly become one of his favourite distractions from his Nan recently.

“Finnley, don’t make me hate you…” Her soft tone let him know she was kidding.

He grinned around some chips as he looked up at her with her tiny, teasing smile. “All fun and games. Mae.”

She rolled her eyes and giggled slightly and Finn had never noticed how nice her smile was before. It was a cheesy thought and he knew it but that didn’t mean it wasn’t true. She did have a nice smile. Maybe he should try to make it up to her. Try to do something nice to show her he isn’t actually the dickhead she obviously thinks he is. He wouldn’t blame her for thinking it though; he was a dick when they first met.

But what could he do? He was coming up blank and now they were just sitting in silence again. Then he remembered what Chop had told him about only a couple hours ago. Chop was getting tickets to Knebworth and had a spare, since his brother couldn’t go.

Finn could get Chop to bring Rae.

Rae loved Oasis, and when she’d find out Finn had got her the ticket she would want to be friends with him. Finn suddenly began to imagine Rae wrapping Finn in her arms as a thank you for giving her the best night of her life. She would definitely have to go.

“So, you hear about Knebworth?”

Her face whirled around to stare straight into his eyes, “You mean the gig of year. Nay… Of the century… Yeah might’ve done.” She finished with a shrug.

He grinned around a mouthful of chips. Yeah, he’d better get a ticket for Rae.

“You going, then?” He asked, knowing full well that if she was she definitely would have told someone about it by now.

She let out an enormous huff and sat her chin on her hand like a child, which only made him laugh again. “No,” she mumbled, saying that she couldn’t get a ticket. He didn’t want to press why. Maybe she couldn’t afford it or they had run out by the time she’d tried.

“You’re not going though, right?” She looked up at him with big eyes. Huge eyes, how the fuck had he never noticed how big her eyes were before?

Finn blinked for a moment just looking at her a little dazed, before coughing slightly and looking down at his chips. He knew he wouldn’t be able to outright lie to her when she was looking at him like that. He couldn’t blame her for asking, if he knew that she was going and he wasn’t he’d be throwing a fit.

“No,” he mumbled and shoved a few more chips in his mouth so he didn’t have to sound too convincing. “Couldn’t get a ticket either.” He looked up to see her visibly relax.

“Maybe we could…” His mouth had started his sentence but his brain wasn’t following. Could what, Finn? Could what? His mouth hung open as she stared at him, waiting for him to finish.

“Could what…?” She frowned at him. He swallowed some of his Cola to distract him, give him a moment to gather some fucking courage.

“Just I dunno, listen together on the radio?” What the fuck was he thinking? He knew that they were both going to be at the actual gig, why would he suggest that? Not to mention that she thought he was an utter twat and had been treating him accordingly.

“Really?” She asks, sceptically.

Finn shrugged and glared at his chips now, no way was he going to look up at her.

“Why not, I guess.” She mumbled. Finn eyes sprung up to meet hers and she had this tiny smile on her face. She looked cute like that. She didn’t need the make up to make herself look cute. She just seemed to do that by being Rae.

Then he realised why he had said it, it had cheered her up. After Archie doing such a shitty thing to her, hopefully the idea of them hanging out with Oasis would be something for her to look forward to. Clearly it couldn’t have been that bad an idea on his part.

Finn had no other words so he nodded and stuffed the last of the chips in his mouth.

A waitress walked past and he asked for the bill. They sat in silence again. “So you didn’t want to go to the cinema, then?” Her voice was suddenly timid and he didn’t know why. He was the one who had just went out on a limb, asking her to do something with him.

He fidgeted and realised that he really needed a smoke right about now, “Uh, nah. Have to help my dad with some stuff…” he mumbled, scratching his ear.

“Oh, sorry, I didn’t mean-” He watched her eyes widen, and was quick to settle her.

“Not till later though…”

She nodded slightly and the waitress came over with one receipt.

“Numbers on the back.” She said winking at Finn. This time he couldn’t help rolling his eyes. He clocked Rae making a disgusted face as well and laughed as he picked up with receipt, checking the price and shoving the money on the table.

“Jealous?” He quipped, raising en eyebrow.

She scoffed, “No, but she couldn’t be less obvious- hey I’ll pay for my coffee.”

Finn shook his head and waved his hand. It was one coffee, it was barely anything. “Nah, it’s fine. You can buy the coffee next time.”

Shit.

Next time, Nelson? Next time, really?

Rae quickly stood up, “I should probably…” She motioned her hand in the general direction of the door.

“Yeah me too,” he murmured, hoping she didn’t think too much into what he said.

He grabbed the helmet from the seat and they they stared at each other, neither one knowing how to leave this weird night.

“Right, well….” Rae said, going to move past him.

“I could give you a lift home, if you want? On the scooter?” He didn’t want her to think he’s not polite enough to give her a lift home.

Rae’s eyes widened and she immediately started shaking her head. Well done, Nelson, things were actually going well and you fucking ruined it, and went and scared her off.

“No, thanks. But. I don’t really think that’s eh…suitable for me.” Finn frowned at her, not really knowing what she was on about. He skirt was pretty short maybe that’s why. It would probably be uncomfortable on a scooter with that skirt. He just nodded and glared down at his helmet as she went to walk around him.

She stopped a few feet away and he turned to face her, “Thanks.” She said with that tiny, smile again.

Finn shrugged. He had forgotten why he was with her in the first place and a picture of him punching Archie fell into view, “S’alrigh’.” Then another picture came to mind and he imagined Rae punching Archie which brought a smile to his face, “Hey, Rae!” He said, catching up with her as she walked out the door. She turned back around to him and he grinned at her, “Archie’s working at the leisure centre tomorrow mornin’. I say, he could do with a right kick up the arse, yeah?” He raised his eyebrows at her and didn’t bother supressing his giant grin. Neither did she. She laughed and nodded.

“I’ll keep that in mind!” She chuckled as she turned to walk home.

Finn took a deep breath and walked over to his scooter. Well, that was pretty unexpected. Nice but unexpected.


	2. The Pub

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Despite believing Rae doesn't outright hate him anymore, Finn still struggles trying to get her attention.

It hadn’t been easy. Trying to talk to Rae is like trying to rewind a cassette with your fingertips; painful and it gets you nowhere. He had been trying though. Ever since that night he’d stayed with her after Archie stood her up, he’d been trying. Too bad Rae was having none of it. She consistently rebuffed his woeful attempts at conversation, choosing to favour Archie’s boring history lessons and incomprehensible quotes instead. Finn didn’t understand that at all, Archie had fucking stood her up and they acted as if they were best mates.

The strangest part was that Rae had apparently turned Archie down after he had begged her to go out with him again, and yet, the way they were sitting right now, you’d think they’d been married for years.

Finn couldn’t keep the grumpy expression of his face, he felt angry at everything right now. He was frustrated at Rae for ignoring him, itching for a fag, and bored out of his nut because he was watching a fucking rounders game. He hadn’t been this bored since the summer holidays had started. Why were they even here at school? Who gives a fuck whether Chloe wants to play rounders? Let her play her game, but let the gang go to the pub in the meantime. Anyway, it’s completely ridiculous being at school on the holidays.

“Being back at school on the summer holidays is just wrong, innit?”

Fucking exactly Rae! Rae gets it. He wanted to agree but Izzy got their first arguing that it was for Chloe. The gang quickly began to discuss the mysterious boyfriend of Chloe’s, so Finn started fidgeting with his shoes out of boredom. As the gang started cheering for Chloe, he was sure he was going to lose his mind if he had to sit here for much longer. Fuck, he could also really do with a fag.

“He is nowhere near enough good looking to be going out with Chloe!” Archie said. Fuck, hold on. Did Finn just hear that right? “I mean look at the state of her. She’s well hot.” Finn rolled his eyes, and took advantage of the pause to talk to Rae.

“Rae, you’re supposed to be Chloe’s best mate – how’d you not know who she’s sleeping with?” Okay, fine. His tone was a little sharper than he intended, but he was bored as fuck at this game! Rae didn’t have to mimic him like that. What does she want from him? He’s fucking trying which is more than he can say for her.

He spent an entire minute glaring at her with slight disbelief, and wondered if he should just give up with her. Maybe he should take a fucking hint. The rest of the gang suddenly stood up and started cheering again so Finn reluctantly pulled his hands together but he couldn’t bring himself to stand. If he did, he’d probably walk straight out of here anyway. He didn’t miss that Rae never stood up either, maybe she was just as bored as he was. It wouldn’t surprise him really.

The game finished soon after Chloe’s run and Finn was quick to get out and get a smoke. There was safety in this ritual. He knew what he was doing with this simple task – a stark contrast in how he feels with Rae. He let the calming motions dull his rapid worries of the girl and focused on the task at hand. Chop only found him outside the grounds until after he had nearly finished the second cigarette.

“Oi!Oi! Where did you run of to?” Chop asked, with a huge grin plastered on his face. Sometimes it was really hard not to be happy around Chop, this was one of those times.

“Righ’ here, mate. You probably would’ve noticed if you weren’t ogling Kelly Fellington’s tits the whole game.” Finn said with a smirk. Chop punched him lightly on the shoulder laughing, before leaning closer to Finn.

“Great tits though, eh eh, Finny?”

“Yeah they’re alrigh’,” Finn laughed, trying to play cool. He’s a boy. He notices these things, yet that entire game was so Rae-focused he couldn’t even bring up the image of those boobs in his mind right now.

“Yeah, ‘course you noticed! Hey, I’m going to go get the lads and we’ll head to the chippy, you comin’?” Chop asked.

Finn took a last drag of the cigarette that was hanging precariously from his fingers then let it fall to the floor where it was squashed under his boots.

He nodded at Chop, “Yeah, is Rae comin’?”

——-

Chop said he was going to tell Rae about the ticket as soon as she turned up. The anticipation was itchy on Finn’s skin and his fingers were tapping impatiently as he considered nipping out for a fag. But there was no chance that he was going to risk missing her expression. Surely, she would be over joyed, and in all her elation she might even give him a kiss…or at least a hug. She would be clever enough to know that he had gotten her the ticket so surely, she would give him at least a hug, right?

He wanted her to feel something about him, he wasn’t quite sure what he wanted her to feel yet, but he can’t take this insistent cold-shoulder for much longer.

The truth was, Finn wasn’t quite sure what he was feeling for Rae yet. After the non-date, his thoughts were consumed by her. He’d find himself listening to music and wondering what she would say about a particular song, or he would spend the whole day trying to think of conversation starters – just to have them thrown back in his face later that same night. He was even hearing her comments in his head about how attractive Damon Albarn is hours after she had said them in the pub. Really, these thoughts were warping his brain and were a real knock to his self-esteem. Even when he was telling himself he was acting ridiculous, it didn’t quite stop him from taking around ten times longer trying to find the perfect roll on his sleeves to ensure his biceps looked particularly huge. Oh, and he had definitely started wearing more cologne.

Actually, had he put enough on today? If Rae was going to hug him (and she had to) then he didn’t want her smelling cigarette breath. Fuck what if he stunk? He brought his nose down slyly to his armpit then he groaned quietly deciding that he just wasn’t going to lift his arms up very high.

His frustration was mounting the longer she was taking to get here. Finn looked over at the door again – this time being caught by his oh-so-considerate mate.

“What’s wrong wi’ you?” Chop asked, grinning, “Oasis, mate! The lads, beer and fucking Oasis!” Finn couldn’t help smiling and laughing along for a moment with Chop’s intense enthusiasm. It was contagious.

Finn had been reluctant to ask his mate to give Rae the ticket, especially after the excruciatingly long speech Chop had made the lads sit through, explaining how it was “Lads Trip Only”. Finn had thought he’d be clever and wait until Chop would be more than eager for anything, ie. when he was pissed. Unfortunately, timing was never Finn’s forte and instead of picking a sanguine moment between songs, Finn had chosen to corner Chop just as he was getting his next pint – basically, Chop was a little prickly.

Finn pulled him to the juke box silently and Chop retorted with “Right, what’s all this about then?”

Finn wasn’t beating around the bush here, he was in a particularly desperate mood having tried four different times to connect with Rae and each time he was slapped in the face. And of course, there was always the chance that when Rae learned he had gotten her the ticket she would immediately think he was great, stop snarling at him and instead give him one of those smiles she frequently dishes out to Chop and Archie. This idea alone sent the words flying from his mouth, “I want you to give the spare ticket to Rae.”

“What ticket?” Chop slurred slightly, frowning at Finn, “Wait…The Knebworth ticket?”

“Yeah Chop, what other ticket?” Finn snapped.

“Right yeah. Sorry. No need for tone, mate.” Chop said slowly, a little bitterness to his words. Finn immediately felt guilty and smiled a little at his best mate, before looking back down at his feet, embarrassed.

“Sorry, mate. I just-” Finn began to chew the inside of his cheek. He knew it was an annoying habit whenever he just couldn’t get the words out. The only thing he knew about Rae was that she must never struggle with that. She was so loud and care-fee and clever and funny. Finn sighed, “Just give the ticket to Rae, yeah?” He raised his eyebrows at Chop willing the outgoing boy to give him the answer he craved.

Chop grinned at Finn immediately. “Yeah, course I will!”

“Really?” Finn began to smile, the great night already forming in his mind’s eye now that he knew Rae was definitely going to be by his side.

“Yeah…” Chop leaned forward to whisper in his ear; almost as if he was going to divulge national secrets, not some slurred alcohol induced thought. What an idiot. “Well”- Chop’s voice wasn’t nearly as soft when he was two millimetres from Finn’s ear, “I didn’t know who t’give it to, makes sense if it’s Raemundo though.” Chop finished with a grin.

“Yeah, whatever.” Finn said, shoving Chop away.

Chop laughed and nodded before stopping suddenly and giving Finn a strange look, “Why d’you want her to go so bad?” Finn shrugged and noticed that the posters just passed his friend’s head were far less intimidating than this conversation. “Is this about that night? Wi’ your date wi’ Raemuno? D’ya fancy her or summat?”

Finn was quick to scoff, “No! I just-She’s the biggest Oasis fan I know. She’s be gutted if we were all going and she wasn’t.” Nice save, Finn. He didn’t want to admit to any feelings when he himself had no idea what those feelings were.

Chop laughed and slapped Finn on the arm slightly. “My thoughts too, mate. She’s like one of the lads, ain’t she?”

Finn didn’t think Rae was one of the lads at all, not at the time of that conversation and not now waiting for her here at the chippy.

“Oh, Rae not here yet?” Chloe’s voice rang out, taking Finn from his reverie. He didn’t reply, and went back to staring out the front door when the girl plopped herself down on his lap.

She laughed loudly at Finn’s expression… but Finn didn’t really know what was so hilarious. He didn’t go around sitting on her lap. “Look at your face! I just thought I’d stop your leg from bouncing up and down so much,” she leaned further into him, laughing again. Finn nodded and let her stay. No point in arguing with Chloe, but he made a point of keeping as little of his body touching her as possible.

Chop started to tell a story about what his brother had done the other night and Finn was too busy laughing to notice Rae walk in. It was surprisingly frustrating watching as Chop reeled her along. Oh, but it was worth it to see her face. She immediately ran to hug…Chop! She fucking hugged Chop, and all Finn got was a measly hair ruffle that he had to fix! What the fuck? Well, yeah it was nice having her fingers run threw his hair, but he got her that ticket just as much as Chop had. He deserved a fucking hug.

Finn begrudgingly trailed behind the group as they all made their way to the pub for a celebratory pint. Finn made the decision to get as close to Rae as possible, standing near her at the bar.

“So you excited ‘bout Knebworth then?” Holy fuck, did Rae just start a conversation with him? What does he say? Play it cool. Down the play the excitement, Finn, don’t sound too eager, that’s not cool.

“Suppose,” He remarked, in what he hope was in an off-handed way. He couldn’t even meet her eyes, but he could tell she was staring at him. Shit. What had he done? Did he have something on his face? Eventually the tension was too palpable and he snapped at her. Not his best work. She turned to talk to Chop and he was dragged into an invigorating discussion with Archie on which cars would be taken and who was driving.

He didn’t miss her walk straight out of the pub.

He walked straight out after her. Because, apparently, that’s what he does now. He sees Rae in pain and stays with her.

Chewing the inside of his cheek he found her standing next to the door, leaning against the wall. “Y’alrigh’?” Finn asked. Such an imaginative opening line.

She looked up at him with these incredibly sad eyes. “Fine, yeah.” She smiled and nodded slightly. Finn laughed lightly as he did exactly what he had done a month ago. He got himself comfy next to her …and avoided eye contact.

“What’re you doin’?” She asked, similar to the last time too.

“Bit stuffy in there.” He replied nodding to the door next to him. He had no idea how to continue the conversation past this. Usually, Rae would have already rolled her eyes at him and turned to speak to someone else by now. He heard her take a breath and he knew she was staring at him once again.

“Thanks again. You know for doing that thing at the cafe….” Her voice was so timid that it made Finn immediately looked over to her, a slight smile creeping onto his mouth. She was looking down, but she was smiling too. Good. Okay, he can work with this. There’s already less animosity than the last time.

He coughed a little and nodded, “Yeah, it was no problem, really.” And he watched as her smile widened, and there it was! He got the smile she never gives him. His stomach swelled, and his chest did this tightening thing that made his breath stop for a moment. He had to keep that smile, had to keep the conversation flowing. “What you doin’ out here anyway?” he asked. He thought it was a simple enough question but it had the opposite effect than he could have wanted as it made her look at her feet and wiped that lovely grin from her lips. She shook her head just a little and he realised he wasn’t going to get anywhere with that. He decided to take a different path. “So… are you excited about Knebworth?”

Ahh…and the smile returned. Maybe Rae wasn’t so hard to understand after all, keep her talking about music and he never has to worry. She’ll talk for him, and he can just watch her. As her eyes brows rise and fall, her eyes get bigger, her forehead creases and un-creases in mili-seconds. And her mouth, fucking hell it moves so fast he can hardly keep track.

The best part is that she talks about stuff he understands. He gets it. The way she is describing how excited she is, and her love for the band, yeah, he gets it. He finds himself nodding and laughing and grinning with her, sharing in her passion. He’s seen every one of her excited facial expressions, but he can’t stop wondering if he’ll get a hug like Chop had. They were clearly friends now, right? Friends hug, don’t they? Would Finn be able to just lean over and pull her against him? Probably not.

The conversation falls off slowly as she seems to notice that he barely says anything. The little lull continues for a few minutes before she mumbles, “I guess I’m just glad to go, even if it means I’m ‘one of the lads’.”

Finn’s face crumbles as he stares at her side profile. He knows he’s frowning at her but he can’t bring himself to think of something cheerful to get her back to the happier conversation only moments ago.

“That’s not why Chop’s bring ya’.” He blurts out, not entirely sure where he was going with this, but he’s never entirely sure of anything around Rae.

“What?” She meets his stare, and he realises their faces are intimately close. Close enough to kiss.

“Well…” He stares down at his feet before sucking in a breath for confidence, “That might be what Chop is telling everybody else, but I wanted you to go. You love Oasis. Wouldn’t be right if you weren’t there.” Finn finished with a shrug, and chews the inside of his cheek. There’s a lot of pressure on him now. He’s opened up and she could easily break him, telling him to fuck off, and walk away leaving him with a view of her hair swishing down her leather jacket, and feeling like he had been punched in the gut.

“Did you make Chop bring me?”

She’s staring at him again, the intensity of it reaches all over his body. It threatens to knock the strength from his legs, and his breath from his lungs, but he stands strong knowing that this moment is his moment to show Rae he’s not that much of a twat as she probably thinks he is. “Not really. He was all for you comin’ too, but I just kind of…put the idea in his head.” Was that cool enough? Did he come across as desperate? He was sort of desperate for her to come though.

“Oh…” She said. ‘Oh’? Is that it? That’s all he gets? Maybe he should push it more. Her eyes are cast back down to her trainers but he thinks he can see a twitch in her lips. It might be the way her hair sort of falls past her cheek, or that somehow he’s ended up pressed to her, from shoulder to thigh. Either way, the flirty side of him comes out.

“Well, y’know…” He drawls with a smirk, “I did promise we could listen to the gig together, right?”

She grins up at him. And she’s so close. Their lips are so close. “Yeah, you did.”


	3. Finn's House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn knows that his chance to tell Rae how he feels will be perfect with Oasis in the background and the Knebworth gig is his chance, but it doesn't quite go to plan.

“Stop…”

“Wha’?”

“Stop the car.” She said, forcefully. He slowed to a stop, never taking his eyes off of her. She removed her seatbelt and stepped out of the car, while he watched on feeling completely helpless. His hands fell off the steering wheel, his whole body felt limp with longing.

She slammed the door but leaned through the window to him. “Finn?”

“Yeah?” He asked, as he moved closer to her, leaning over the passenger seat. The position of his hands felt unnatural and awkward. He let them fall lifelessly onto the dashboard to prevent him from reaching to pull her back inside.

“I’m sorry that we can’t listen to Oasis after all.”

It was enough to send him speeding away from the scene of the crime.

The first time Finn played in a school football match, he was a left-back trying to defend against a kid who was at least twice his height. It was ten minutes in and the kid had gone straight through him, kneeing Finn in the stomach. The pain was everywhere, in the popping in his ears, in the black spots that appeared in his eyes, in every pulse of blood that pumped in his veins, it was everywhere, and it hurt. He was pulled off the pitch and threw up right next to all the parents at the side of the pitch.

But Finn would take getting kneed in the stomach by that tall prick all over again if it meant he never had to watch Rae Earl walking away from him for the hundredth time.

She walked away from him again and again and again. He had convinced himself that this time would be different. He was a fool. No matter how many times he could punch that Big G, she would still walk away from him.

Again and again and again.

No, not this time.

He only got to the lamppost down the next street when he pulled over. The moody complaints from behind him were white noise as he chucked the keys to Barney and grunted, “Tell Chop he can keep the money.” He ran toward her, trying with everything in him to not immediately regret the decision.

“Rae!” He yelled, as he caught a glimpse of her dark hair. “Rae, wait!”

She turned around but neither Rae nor Chloe moved closer to him. “Finn? What are you doin’?” She asked.

“Me? What are you doin’, Rae? Why are you leavin’?” The adrenaline that had gotten him this far was already wearing off. He could feel the sweat at the back of his neck and the embarrassment on his cheeks.

Rae took a step toward him, standing in front of Chloe as if she was her friend’s knight in shining armour, ready to protect her against warlocks and dragons. Quite odd as Chloe had never seemed much of a damsel in distress before.

She shrugged, “It’s fine. I don’t mind missing it.” Rae’s careless dismissal of him and Oasis caught him off-guard, he took a step back as if she had physically hurt him.

“I-I can’t,” Finn managed to say, “They drove away.” He willed Rae to say something, to react in any sort of way so he would at least have some idea of what she was thinking. He wanted her to feel guilty, to feel even a fraction of the hurt he was experiencing.

Again and again and again.

Her face gave nothing away. If only he could see her eyes. Her brown eyes, which were shaded by the sunglasses, always told a story her mouth would never share.

Chloe tugged on Rae’s arm, and they shared a look. “Rae, I’m going to be late for that thing.”

Rae nodded. “I’m coming. Don’t worry,” she said, with a small smile. “Finn…Look, me and Chloe have got to go do something-”

“Do wha’?” He asked, frowning. It wasn’t his business to know, but the racing heartbeat of a boy hurt by a girl won out against the sensible side of him.

“Just girl stuff.” Chloe snapped, and hooked her arm with Rae’s. Finn took another step back. Being hurt by Rae was something he had been through before (even deserved at times) but coming from Chloe, the sharp tone was a surprise. She continued in a significantly softer tone, “But Rae was going to come to mine after, and listen to the concert on the radio. You can come too, if you want.”

The invitation was false, but he didn’t want to be near either of them anyway.

“No, it’s fine,” he said with a shrug. He looked back at Rae and willed her to take her glasses off again. She didn’t. “Have fun.”

“Finn-” Rae started but he shook his head and walked back in the direction of the pub.

—-

His dad greeted Finn with surprised joy. “Fantastic!” Mr. Nelson said. “We can listen to the gig together! I’ll nip to Tesco on the way home from the hospital and get some extra cans.”

Finn’s relationship with his dad had always been relaxed, simple and, most importantly, easy. They existed together in the same universe, orbiting each other from a distance and balancing each other out; Finn’s grumpy demeanour could soften around his father’s boundless glee and Mr. Nelson’s - sometimes terrifying - sunniness could be restrained with one chastising look from his son. However, recently their relationship had been strained. Finn’s Nan in hospital and consequently, his mum appearing back in town (“to over-see any difficult decisions in the near future”) threw not only a spanner but a whole hardware store into the works, and it was visibly taking a toll on Mr. Nelson. Finn had never been in the position before where he felt like the one in more control, and it was terrifying, so a night spent with his dad where both of them could relax seemed like a nice change.

The father and son sat together on the couch, opened a can each and sighed as the crowd starting cheering through the speakers. “You doin’ okay, son?” It seemed a strangely loaded question.

“Yeah, ‘course.” Finn replied, as he played with the tab on his can.

“Are you regretting not goin’ to Knebworth?”

“No. I’m fine.” Finn ripped the tab off the can with abrupt force, surprising both him and his dad.

Mr. Nelson laughed, “Are you sure?” He asked. Finn only put the tab on the coffee table and took a large drink. “Is it your Nan?” Finn shifted but shook his head. “Was it that fight you got into yesterday? Are you fightin’ with your friends?” Finn shook his head again, and replied with a small “no”.

“Is it your mum?” Finn didn’t even bother to reply to that one. There was a time when the problem was his mum – when it could only have been his mum.

His mum leaving – making him fight in school.

His mum forgetting her times of the week to pick him up – making him comfortable on the school steps in the rain.

His mum moving to Spain, starting a new family and telling him down the phone that “this was her home now, it was better for her” – making him needlessly angry every time the phone rang. 

Sometimes he wanted her back, the old one, the one from way before he knew what a divorce even was, but that woman was gone. Finn took another large swig of beer.

“Because it’s okay if you want to go see her.” His dad carried on, “You know the hotel she’s in. I could ring her-or maybe you should ring her actually-”

“It’s not ma mum, da’.” Finn grumbled.

“Ahh! But it is something!” His dad’s eyes lit up, and he prodded Finn in the side with his index finger. Finn laughed a little and rolled his eyes. “Is it a girl?”

Finn choked on his beer. “Wha’?” He sputtered out, wiping his mouth

Gary laughed and asked, “What’s her name?” Finn didn’t answer. He tuned into ‘Supersonic’ instead. “Okay,” His dad said, holding up his hands in defeat. “We don’t have to talk about it.”

Ironically, that sentence was the one to open up the floodgates. It all tumbled out of him before he could even think about what he was saying. “She came into th’gang, and hated me straight away, then she gets stood up by Archie so I stay with her. Sit wi’ her, y’know? And it’s all goin’ really good. But then she went righ’ back to hatin’ me by the next day. But then I got her the Knebworth ticket and I punch this twat in the face for her – the kid was yellin’ at her in the street, I had to, da’! And so today, she was meant to come to Knebworth, right? Then just as we’re about to leave she makes me stop the car and she gets out. Straight out the car! And all she tells me is that she has to help her friend with stuff? But what’s more important than-” He wanted to say ‘him’, what was more important than him and his chance to finally show her how he felt? Instead he finished with “-Oasis?”

His dad only blinked at him. He sighed heavily and lay back into the couch, shutting his eyes.

“Finn…?” His dad said, patting Finn lightly on the shoulder.

“Yeah?” Finn looked up at his dad, waiting for the expected fatherly advice from all those movies.

“Finish your beer, Son. Sounds like you need it.” Finn laughed and nodded. “And I’ll get you another.” His dad murmured as he strode towards the kitchen.

–

It was during ‘Roll With It’ when there was a slow knock at the front door. Finn and his dad shared a confused look as neither knew who it could be. All of Finn’s friends were at the gig he was listening to on the radio, Izzy had her cousin from Cardiff staying over and Chloe was with-

“Rae!” Finn blurted out and jumped up off the couch, running to the door.

She was there, in front of him, with a small smile and her hair slightly messed up. “Hiya,” She said. Her voice was quiet and uncertain. He hadn’t often heard her voice without its usual self-assured confidence and it gave him hope that she wasn’t going to speak to him the same way she had earlier.

“What are you doin’ here?” He asked, he wasn’t able to stop himself grinning at her. The hallway lights coming from behind him seemed to make her glow against the dark background of the street outside.

“I was hoping that we could still listen to Oasis together? If you wanted to,” she said. She pulled at her sleeves and tucked her hands into them.

“Yeah,” he said, instantly, “Yeah- Course. Absolutely. Come in.” He let her inside; his eyes watched her every move checking she was really in front of him. He was seconds from calling to his dad when the man appeared in the hallway.

“Finn, who is it at this time of night? Oh- hello?”

“Uh…Hiya…” Rae said.

“Dad, is it okay if Rae spends the night?” Finn stepped over, ready to get Rae into his room as swiftly as possible.

Finn’s dad grinned and took a step closer to the teenagers, “Nice to meet you, Rae.” He said, “Shall I make up the spare room?”

Rae shook her head, “Oh no, its fine. I can go home after-”

“Don’t be silly.” Finn interjected and frowned at her.

“It’s alrigh’, Rae. Just keep the door open.” Gary winked at her and Finn rolled his eyes.

“Come on.” Finn grumbled and tugged on the sleeve of Rae’s jacket. “We can go upstairs…”

It wasn’t until he had switched the radio on and she was standing in the middle of his room that he noticed the mess. He quickly darted around picking up dirty clothes and throwing them to the back of his wardrobe, then ran back to make the bed for her to sit on. “Uh, sorry ‘bout the mess,” he said, opening the window wide. The room must have smelled of stale sweat and cigarettes, and Rae deserved better than that.

She pretended not to notice as she cautiously sat on the edge of his bed. “It’s alrigh’,” She said, smiling softly. “Is that Slide Away playin’?”

Finn exhaled slowly, the reality of the situation was slowly dawning on him, piece by piece. Rae was next to him. Oasis were playing Knebworth. On the radio. In the background. His night had changed. But Rae. Rae was still right there in front of him. He grinned at her, “Yeah, I-I think so. Sounds like it.”

“Fuck.” She sighed as she closed her eyes, “Oasis are the greatest band in the world.”

His chest felt inflated, as if he had suddenly been filled with helium and could float away any second. “Yeah,” he agreed, nodding. “Yeah, thank fuck for Oasis.”


	4. Rae's House

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn is determined to tell Rae how he feels, even if everyone on the planet is trying to stall it as long as possible.

Rae had a button nose and lips that protruded slightly out from her face in a soft pout. Her eyelashes were a slighter darker colour than her hair. But her hair wasn’t all the same colour, there was different tones mixed in, which were more obvious against the light reflecting on them from his bedside lamp. The struggle to stop himself from running his fingers all across this new world of hair was excruciating.

He appreciated that she had her eyes closed while he blatantly stared at her and committed all new ‘Rae information’ to memory, but he also wanted her eyes wide open – he was sure they was a whole array of colours in them and not just the light brown he knew so well. If only he could find out what those colours were…

But he was content to lay next to her. Being able to watch her, there wasn’t one part of him that regretted the decision to step out of the car to Knebworth. Lying next to Rae with their elbows slightly touching was a thousand times better that standing around in a cold field with a bunch of pissed up blokes.

Surrounded by Rae and Oasis made him feel like he was flying through the air landing on cloud after cloud as he slowly descended back down to earth. In contrast, the radio presenter’s voice cutting through the last chord of ‘I Am The Walrus’ felt like falling and smacking his head on a concrete pavement.

He purposely didn’t move from his position on his bed so that he was forced to reach across Rae to turn the radio off.

She sighed heavily as he got himself comfortable – he came closer to her until they touched from shoulder to hip. She blinked, then eventually she turned her head to smile at him. “Well, what did you think?” She asked.

“Yeah, it was alrigh’.”

Rae scoffed and rolled her eyes. His breath stopped as he panicked; how had he already said something wrong?

“One of the most important gigs of the century and all you can say is that it was ‘alright’?” She giggled. Finn instantly laughed with her, relaxing. It was fine if she laughed at his expense; as long as she was laughing.

He waited for her to say something more, having never been great at conversations himself, but she stayed eerily quiet. He watched as she pressed her fingers together until they were white at the tips. “D’you regret not goin’ to Knebworth?” She asked, her eyes were enormous again.

Dark brown, muddy brown, light brown, hazel, a little green… “Wha’?”

She looked back down at her fingers and repeated the question. It was a completely ridiculous question, there wasn’t anything he would change about the night. His mouth opened but no words followed, she continued to play with her fingers until he found his voice. “No!” He said, louder than he should have. “No. of course not, Rae. This is much better than goin’ to Knebworth without you.”

It took a worryingly long time for her to smile back at him but when she did it made his stomach squeeze the beer to the edge of his throat. There wasn’t a better moment to share how much he liked this girl and he was taking the chance. “I like it.” He whispered, “When it’s just you and me. It’s better. It’s nice.”

“Yeah. It is.” She said while smiling even wider. Her hands lay flat against her stomach.

The room felt still, he couldn’t hear the usual cars driving passed his house or his dad downstairs who was most likely snoring on the couch or even Brian the dog from next door who always liked to bark around midnight. The dust particles were static in the air, the breath from his lungs stuck in his throat – they could be the last two people on the planet and Finn wouldn’t notice or care. He was completely surrounded by Rae, falling into her further and further, and he didn’t want to be caught.

But there was always that pen mark on the clear sheet, the small scratch on the record, the crack in the glass that made Finn wary of Rae – she continued to shut him out when he would least expect it. The earlier events from outside the pub were only one example.

“Why didn’t you want come to Knebworth with me?” He asked, before he changed his mind.

“I told you,” she said, looking back at him, “I had to help Chloe with something. Something…really important.”

“Then why are you here? Didn’t Chloe say you were staying at hers?”

“Oh.” Rae’s fingers squeezed into fists until her knuckles turned white. “Chloe left me-She just-She just left when I was tellin’ her something serious. She just got up and left me for her bloody ex-boyfriend.” She looked up at Finn. “I can’t believe she would do that. I thought she was ma best mate.”

“She still is. Maybe she had to go speak to her boyfriend about something important.” From the heavy glare that Rae gave the chair across the room, it obviously wasn’t the right thing to say. Words failed him. He didn’t know what to think, where to look, what to do with his hands. He tried again, “Look, it sounds like Chloe fucked up, but we all do stupid things to our mates. All the time. No one’s…No one’s perfect.”

Rae rewarded him with a brilliant smile – it even touched her eyes, making them wrinkle around the sides.

The idea came to him and immediately made him feel guilty but he was already riding the wave of surreal, he might as well push his luck. “What was it that you were telling Chloe about, anyway?” His attempt at a cavalier tone was obvious. He frowned down at his hands to keep from showing how guilty he felt. He was pushing it, but he didn’t take her silence as a ‘don’t ask’, so he pushed harder. “You can tell me, if you want to. I won’t leave ya…not even for my mysterious ex-boyfriend.” That made Rae laugh loudly – she tucked her chin in when she laughed particularly heartily. He added it to the list of his favourite things about her.

She huffed and looked right into his eyes as if she could read everything about him like a book. With a small frown, she whispered. “I’m scared.”

“I won’t leave, Rae.” He prised her fidgeting fingers apart and in the centre of her palm he traced ‘promise’.

She nodded the tiniest amount and then took a deep breath.

It was like being split into two. One half of him was looking at the girl as if she had finally wiped the windows clear of the mist and rain, the other half had crawled under the quilts to cry. In a way it made sense, it even made her seem more human to him, fuller, more real – as if the painting hadn’t been finished but the last blank corner had finally been coloured in. In other way it didn’t make any sense at all and all he wanted was to the wash the canvas clear and re-paint her all his own way, without any of the dark shadow tones.

By the time she finished talking she had a few tears rolling down her cheeks, he meant to bring his hand up to wipe them away but she got to them first.

She smiled up at him, he smiled back.

“I’m glad you told me.” He tried to speak clearly but his voice was thick with something.

“Yeah?” She raised an eyebrow – she would tease him until the end of her days.

“Yeah.” Before his eyes she had somehow transcended from ‘friend’, to ‘girl-he-fancied’ to something far better and far scarier.

He took her hand again, and squeezed it tight within his own. The moment was perfectly presenting itself to him. The scene might as well have flashing neon lights spelling out ‘Tell Rae!’. A secret for a secret, she had bared her soul, it was his chance to return the favour.

“Rae-”

There was a knock at his door, and his dad appeared around the side. Rae’s hand was gone.

“I’m goin’ to bed, you two. Rae, the room’s all set up.”

“Cheers, dad.” Finn grumbled.

“Thanks, again.” She said, smiling sweetly. The heightened atmosphere that had built up was flattened to nothing once his dad disappeared. Rae didn’t spare him a second glance as she strode away to the room next door.

Finn sighed. It wasn’t over yet, though.

—————–

She was walking away from him again. Or maybe she hadn’t seen him in the park yet. Either way, he immediately chucked his shirt to the side and ran to catch up with her on the bridge.

“What the hell are you doin’ here?” He asked around a grin. There was no stopping the smile stretching across his face once he’d spotted her.

“Just came for a walk,” Rae said with a shrug. Her relaxed tone suddenly made him feel exposed, and not only because he was half naked in front of her. Her laid-back expression was a little insulting to him considering all that she had shared only two days before.

He frowned as he remembered what was upsetting him most, “I didn’t get to see you off yesterday. I would’ve walked you home, or given you a lift on the scooter.” Waking up without Rae in his house as proof of their night together was like waking up from a really good dream with his alarm blaring loudly from his bedside table – hazy, confusing but ultimately, disappointing and annoying.

“Sorry. I didn’t want to be late. I went to visit my friend-” She mumbled.

“Who?”

“A friend. From the hospital.”

“Right.”

She looked away and played with her hands. There was a feeling inside him like a bubble, precious and delicate and shiny and pretty, he didn’t know what it was but he never wanted it to go away.

Comparing himself to her rendered his self-esteem non-existent. Her bravery and strength matched nothing he had seen from anyone else he had come into contact with. He was nothing but an insignificant fly caught in her Black Widow web. He had to show her he was more than that.

“Finn, I wanted to tell you something-”

He barely heard her, “I wanted to talk to you too, actually. I’m glad you came over the other night. And I wanted to tell you then, but ma dad walked in. Anyway, I just- you’re really cool and-”

“Finn!” One of the lads shouted from behind him. He looked back and glared in their general direction. The timing was wrong, the place was wrong, wearing no t-shirt was wrong. Finn looked at Rae, her eyes were enormous and filled with what he wished was hopeful longing, but maybe that was a stretch too far. He sighed. “Look. can I just-can I give you a ring you later?”

She blinked at him, and then nodded slowly. “Uh. Yeah, yeah. Absolutely.”

“Right,” he grinned, “Good.” In his jubilation he leaned forward and kissed her on the cheek.

By the time he got back onto the pitch he already missed her.

—————

Focussing on the game was near impossible while the prospect of Rae lingered at the back of his mind. His distracted head landed him on the ground three times, the third was a rough tackle by a burly bloke who worked at the same garage as Chop. Finn’s team got a free kick from it that led to a goal but it was a sad consolation since he was out for the last thirty minutes of the game.

He had went limping towards his Nan in the hospital, who only shook her head and mumbled, “You’re just like your dad. If I could cover you in seven layers of bubble-wrap, I would.”

His Nan was struggling. Her breathing was messy and uneven, her hands were always cold and she didn’t have energy enough to apply lipstick. Finn’s Nan always had time to put on lipstick. In the past it would constantly leave bright pink marks all across his face. He hadn’t had the trouble of wiping it off lately and surprisingly that was a chore he wished he had to do more than ever.

There was very little to say to his Nan, she had always done most of the talking and at least that much hadn’t changed. Although, she’d spent most of his time repeating stories of his grandad, how they met, how they married, when they had Finn’s dad, and then Finn’s uncle, it was a nice distraction from Rae and his obsession with making her think he was cool. 

But a little over an hour later he was jumping up and down next to the telephone in his room with shaking hands, wondering if it was too early or too late to call her.

It rang six times before she picked up, “Hello?”

“Rae? It’s Finn.”

“Hiya.”

“Hi.” Silence. He bit his lip in frustration at himself. “What-uh. What you doin’?” His attempt to seem casual was pathetic, he could almost hear Chop in his head, “Ha! What happened to Mister ‘I pulled three birds in one night’? Was that really the load of bollocks I already knew it was, ya knobhead?’

“Oh…Nothing, really.” Rae’s voice seemed far more relaxed than his own. She didn’t seem as if her hands were sweaty or her ears were on fire, but his certainly were. “Ma mum’s just left me in the house. She’s goin’ on holiday, can you believe it? She’s just leavin’ me here by myself-”

“Really?” Finn squeaked. He almost choked on his own words.

“Uh…”

He cleared his throat. “Better not tell Chop. He’ll want a party.”

She laughed a little, “Yeah, good idea. Keep it between us.”

“Righ’. I just- I still want to tell you somethin’ though.”

“Oh, yeah. Actually, me too.”

“Right.”

“Right.”

Silence again. He thought back to his awkward conversation with Rae right at the beginning, way before he had all these feelings for her. He had sat across from her in that bloody café, it had been just as brutal as their current conversation, and Rae hadn’t tried very hard that day either, if he remembered correctly.

“Well…” She said, too quietly, he strained to hear her, “You can come to mine, if you want. I mean, I was just about to put on a film but if you want to come round that’s fine. You know. It’s cool. Or whatever.”

Finn’s whole body stopped. His hand clenched on the phone, his heart stopped beating, his lungs stopped working. “Yeah,” he stuttered, “Yeah, I can come round. Give me ten minutes?”

“Sounds good.”

“Righ’.”

He heard her laugh a little, “Right, I’ll see ya.”

He nodded, “Yeah.” He said, before he ran downstairs, yelling to his dad that he’d be home later.

She smiled at him when she opened the door, and led him into the living room where Champagne Supernova was playing softly from the CD player. She offered him tea and he nodded because he needed a cup.

They sipped in unison. And in silence.

It was crucial that he got his words out right. She might not even feel the same way, but if Finn thought about that then there was no chance the words would come out at all. He had to tell her and he had to make sure he didn’t throw up on her carpet.

“Rae.” She looked up at him. “I want to tell you…I have to…Fuck.” He shook his head and looked up desperately trying to tell her how he felt through his eyes. He couldn’t telepathically tell her, could he? His thoughts got jumbled up when they left his tongue, his mouth felt disconnected to the rest of his body. “I-I’m no good with words. I’m no good wi’ speakin’.”

She shrugged at him and frowned helplessly. He was drowning under everything he wanted to say. There were all these words that would be perfect to tell her but nothing felt like enough. Nothing felt good enough to tell Rae, to make her really understand how much he needed, craved, wanted her. He wanted to be near her all the time, to be able to hug her whenever he wanted to, to listen to music on his bed together, to hold her hand, to just fucking kiss her. But not one word in the dictionary felt like enough to explain that feeling fully.

He placed his mug on the coffee table beside him, then he took hers and did the same. Peeling her clenched fingers apart in her palm he wrote the only words he could think that said it all.

His eyes focused on the task at hand but they went straight for hers once he finished. He had to see whether or not she understood. She bit her lip and shook her head. “I don’t believe ya.”

Finn scoffed immediately, “I don’t care if you don’t believe me.” She smiled, and giggled a little. He kept a hold of her hand, and felt himself blushing.

That was when the doorbell rang out loudly.

Finn wanted to tell her to ignore it but Rae rolled her eyes and was out of her seat, walking away from him again.

And what did Finn do? He followed of course.

Chloe stood next to Rae in the hallway, he didn’t say anything but Chloe did a double take then blinked at him, surprised.

“Finn? What- What are you doin’ here?” She had narrowed her eyes a little. Chloe did this thing where she straightened her shoulders when she felt like she was being attacked. It almost reminded him of a panther ready to pounce on its prey.

Finn shifted on his feet, and tried to check Rae’s eyes but she faced away from him, “Yeah,” he mumbled. “I wanted to talk to Rae ‘bout somethin’.”

“Well, so did I.” Chloe said, rooted to her spot.

His instinct was to tell Chloe to ‘fuck off’ and continue his conversation with Rae – especially when it had only been two days ago that Rae had been crying over her best mate on Finn’s shoulder – but this was Rae’s decision, so he looked over at her waiting to see her response. Rae nodded at Chloe then turned to Finn. The sad look told him everything. He felt like he was being tackled all over again.

“Righ’. See ya’.” He muttered. It was the right thing to do. They were mates, and he was just a boy who fancied her. Rae had to sort this out. It was fine. It was really fine. It was completely fine. It was so unbelievably fine that there was really no reason why his hands were clenched into tight fists.

He had already reached his bike when she called out to him. Rae was walking towards him, with a small smile touching her lips. It was a whole new territory for him and he didn’t know what to say.

“You don’t have to leave.” She whispered, stepping not quite close enough. He took a step nearer until they were nothing but a few inches apart.

“Nah, you need to talk to Chloe. Seems like you have stuff goin’ on.”

Rae nodded, “Yeah. We do. We’ll get over it though.” She shrugged, “That’s what we do.”

Finn nodded then stared at the ground a few feet away, avoiding her eyes.

He heard her take a deep breath, “I like you a lot, Finn.”

He smiled. Then he smiled wider. Then wider, and wider, until he was grinning so much his eyes nearly closed.

She nudged him slightly and rolled her eyes. He grinned down at the ground, and scuffed his boots on the drive-way before looking back up at her. He waited until he caught her eye before he asked, “So, what now?


End file.
